Okay, so this has been bothering for a long long time. Very Often I meet a woman, who is all sugar coated on the outside on how amazing their life is but you can see the flames of frustration right throught her eyes!
This is how it starts – I meet a typical indian married woman of middle class, after a lot of conversation, she ends up cribbing about her routine with home and kids, I see her in an excited and happy version in my head and wonder ‘why is she like this? Why isnt she doing something about it, this unhappiness and lack of enthusiasm / satisfaction?’ The meeting is soon over and I am back to my normal routine, but this woman starts to haunt me. I cant get over this misconception of marriage and kids women like these have come to believe. Its ridiculous, who has taught them this? Who? Who has convinced them that you gotta be a good wife & mother if you do all the sacrifices and chores, even if you do them unhappily? Who has made them believe that this is what life is after marriage n kids?
You know what, its a ‘woman’!!! who has made them believe this stuff, this stuff like – you have to adjust as per your husband & his family, you have sacrifice, you have to never speak up as it spoils your reputaion in the society,(this is the best one) Yes! you have to turn into a maid for your family and kids, thats a perfect wife/mother, you cant be at par with a man in the society, he only has to earn and bring the food on the table, even if you are better educated and can get better food, you still dont have the right to do it, blah, blah, blah!
And this woman comes in many forms like – grandmothers, mothers, aunts, sisters, friends, peers, etc. Mostly it is elder women in the family who teach this to younger girls of the house with ultimate conviction. Because they suffered the pressures and inability to stand up, they pass on the baton to the next generation. My observation of last 5 years on this topic has been very shocking, these kinda women are way larger in number that you think, they are all around you- in your house, family, building, office, college, etc, they only talk of liberation and never want to practice it. They are pseudo liberated. They pretend to be bold and brave and the kinds who would stand up for the right, but in reality dont even have the guts to tell an uncle or types to not dictate their life decisions.
The reason is, they are SCARED. They are scared to do anything against the trends of their society. They do NOT want to be a rebel. That is exactly what the women of the previous generation thought and this generation suffered, so on and so forth.
So the only root cause is not how men treat women, it is how women treat women. They pass on the fear and the chains of their so called society and circle have put on them, generation after generation. This has to stop. Unless all the women realise what negative implications their thinking has on others, just a few of us wont be able to make a huge difference.
Hence its my humble request to all women/girls readings this – please dont be ‘that’ woman! That woman who believes –
– sacrifice gets them recognition aka brownie points in their society
– family is the only anchor even if it keeps you like a maid with no right to have a voice,
– life decisions have to be made by others. always.
– you have to give dowry/gifts for a happy married life
– no matter how educated you are you have to be in the kitchen all your life.
– women cant be a part of the family’s decision making.
And a lot more, now that you know the pattern I am sure you can spot the kinds I am talking about here.
Ladies, if its your shit, you gotta clean it yourself!
If you dont like the way YOU live or are treated do something about it. Speak up!
I am not advocating dharnas, or rebellious fighting, thats an extreme. But to speak up you all YOU need is a polite and firm voice.
Start now and change the lives of many girls around you!
No matter what you do, please dont be ‘that’ Woman!